Caplan, Birnbaum, Halmi, Rosenberg Family Tree

Peacefully at Kingston General Hospital in the early hours of February 1, 2016 in his 49th year.
Beloved husband to Rachel (Black) and adored father to Stella and Michael. Loving son to Merle (Rosen) and the late Phillip Koven. Cherished brother to Rebecca and Adam Koven. Predeceased by grandparents, Sylvia and Harry Rosen and Anne and Herbert Koven. Dear son-in-law to Moira and Steven Black and sister-in-law to Sarah (Black) and Jason Zitsow. Doting uncle to Ainsley, Jessica, Jonathan, Gabby and Dylan. Remembered by aunts and uncles, Harvey and Sharon Rosen, Wayne and Merrill Rosen, Irving and Florence Koven, Betty-Rae and Joseph Abramsky; and predeceased by Natalie and Max Cohen. Lovingly remembered by his many cousins. Friends were paramount in Ken's life and he was blessed with the support and love from his many friends near and far.

Interment at Beth Israel Cemetery on Sydenham Road.

In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the UHKF for Patient Centered Cancer Care Research at CCSEO (KGH); https://give.uhkf.ca/ sslpage.aspx?pid=371.

Adam Koven's Eulogy to Ken

How can I explain my loss? Do I dare try? What words can I give you to tell you the void that exists with my brother not being somewhere in this world to talk to, to hear from, to fight with, laugh, drink and eat and celebrate with?

When you lose a parent, you lose the past. When you lose a child, you lose the future. When you lose a sibling, you lose both. My past has been cemented and my future displaced and presently I grieve.

No matter what anyone says about grief, or that time will heal all wounds, the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. I watched my brother take his last breath. I held his hand as he did so. He was not alone, he did not suffer and he left us knowing that he is loved. That his shortened time with us, amounted to a full lifetime of successes and triumphs. A measurement in units of lives touched, relationships cherished and memories created. Look around us today. Ken truly won in life.

If you were one of Ken’s friends you knew it. You were fully part of what made up the DNA that is Kenneth Koven. It was equal parts of unique life experience, joy and WINE. Oh yes wine. And food! Well as part Koven and part Rosen this is no surprise. Our father always said he was the proper weight but his height, he was meant to be 7 foot 8. Ken, being the healthy Koven never knew this problem. Ken appreciated all the things to be experienced in life. The uniqueness was that to truly enjoy anything, to really hear or taste the full beauty of what was around him, it had to be shared. Savoured together. And don’t think you’d just go down the street to get it.

No, Ken found the best of everything for us and either took us there, or brought it home. “I found the best hot dog” Where, let’s go? Oh no, I’ll have it shipped in from Toledo and the pickels…mwah. Oh and Ribs, they’re from Memphis though so order them to Wellesley Island and pick them up.” This was on Wednesday mind you. Most people sick in the hospital ask for a type of ice cream from downtown but in this instance, it was 15 pounds of pork which as a Jew…. Needless to say we got it across the boarder on Friday. Please understand, this wasn’t for Ken, this was for me, it was for his friends, his family. “And make sure to get two bottles for Verge, and Stella likes the regular pickels, and see if Rob, Gord and Pat could come?” It was for you, for us , to watch you enjoy to make sure he shared.

While in hospital, Ken received a call from his friend Pam Starr of Crocker and Starr. A napa valley vineyard. This wasn’t for an order….well maybe it was…but this was for a check in. This was now a friend too. Because he shared, he shared passions and recognized uniqueness in this world. Not because her wines were the best, not because he recently made the journey to visit and introduce his friends, but because he had found a good person to share. To share with us. To make life better. To add more goodness. To see us happy. Ken saw the best in people and put it on display for all of us. It’s infectious and you want to be a part of it.

By the way he shipped in Joe’s from Miami so get your bib’s on the way out.

As a brother, Ken was a protector. A younger much louder brother could pass freely through any school hallway because his big brother was Ken Koven. “Leave me alone or He’ll getcha…I DARE YA”. Or if a problem arose, it was now his problem. They did what Rebecca? Give me their number! He didn’t need the details, he’d call and by the end, the wrong doer was apologizing and not knowing why. Don’t mess with his sister. He just wanted everything right for us. It wasn’t for him.

I remember as a young boy, walking downtown with my mother and people on the street asking “aren’t you going to Richardson Stadium? He’s winning everything!” And sure enough, he had won 4 first places and upon arrival, he was winning the 5th with the crowd chanting Koven-Koven-Koven. He hadn’t told us, it wasn’t as important because he didn’t think it involved others. He was not boastful nor did he look for the light to shine his way. My mother remembered how as a child, if you wanted Ken to succeed, just tell him he couldn’t do something. She had us all remembering a story of how a little boy he wanted to pull a wagon up the hill, it was too steep, too hard but once the gauntlet was thrown down, and that determined face turned red, he would do it. She reminded this to him in hospital when times got tough and she wanted to remind him of his zeal….”you pull that wagon Ken” You couldn’t stop him, I dare you to try.

Who does that remind you of….Michael! You are your father incarnate. You have the same drive and passion and if you’ve got a story, we are listening. Your father loves you because he sees in you all the characteristics he had hoped to give you. Be a collector of people like him in your future. Find good people through your life. Champion their causes and enjoy the things that make them happy. Do it by their side. And if you find something great, share it with Dad…..and Stella

Stella, your father was always so proud of you. He loved that you listened to him. He loved how strongly you connected with your friends and family. How deeply you enjoyed to share with others but especially that you were his special beautiful daughter. One of his greatest passions lately, was to talk about your bat mitzvah. He has such ideas that he shared with you mother that you must know, he will be there to watch and enjoy with you. It will be awesome…he promised.

Rachel, Ken was smitten with you from day one. He knew right away. You gave him a confidence that he truly needed by becoming his partner. Also with it came a wealth of Irish and English and BLACK traditions that he loved. Your family quickly absorbed him and became his own. You kept your family on the same page easily. He deferred to your judgment and trusted your opinion SEEMINGLY without question. Your care for Ken was immense. In recent days, I thought that Dr. Booth was asking your opinion as to next steps. You acted tirelessly on his behalf to fight for his health. He was calmed by knowing you were in his corner. You always were and he knew it.

I lost my only Brother today, I lost a sibling. Your loss is equal to mine.

You are his friends and we are his family. He considered us the same. As such, we will honour our past with him by remembering moments he created for us, by reliving them. By sharing them. A ripple effect that will continue from Ken which now comprises our future.

Past and Future that is what my brother is. And though he always found the best, I know I had already had the best. There is no brother like him, I dare you to try.

Charles Rosen's Eulogy to Ken Koven.

Those of us who had Kenneth in our lives were extremely fortunate. Those of us who had him in our lives over the past 15 months were truly blessed. In that time, Ken taught us all how to live: how to remove ourselves from anger, how to find true joy, and how to live with purpose and kindness.

From the first moments of his diagnosis, Ken made a choice on how he – well, actually all of us – was going to take this on. He laid down a number of rules, but the biggie was: NO DRAMA. He didn’t have the time for it. This meant, no judgments, no anger, no wasted energy. It meant forgiveness, acceptance, and mostly love. It also meant that he was often buying dinner for the entire floor of nurses at KGH – a move, I might add, he learned from his father Phil.

Ken taught us that we can simply choose to replace anger with love. It’s a choice. Sometimes we don’t want to make that choice. Sometimes it’s comforting to hang on to the anger. It makes us feel like we’re in the right; that we’ve been wronged by someone else. But no – until the last moments of this illness that were under his control - Ken wasn’t having any of it. And, once he showed us the way, we were all better people for it.

As we head into this unimaginable period loneliness and sadness, we have to honor Ken’s memory by choosing to replace those feelings with love. We have to choose to be kind to one another. We have to choose to be kind to ourselves. And we have to choose to live our lives with purpose.

Kenneth has been in my life from the very beginning. From the earliest days of being forced to give piano recitals to the whole family (something I’m sure I dreaded way more than he did because…well, he didn’t suck), years of hating Hebrew school together (sorry Rabbi!), a year of loving going to school in Switzerland together. Heading off to university together. And, years of conversations about our respective lives that always turned to how much his wife and kids meant to him. It’s going to be weird not having him by my side - but here’s the good news: He cracked the code. He showed us how to be a good husband, a good father, a good man. He beat cancer. Not by checking off a few more boxes on a calendar. But by showing us what real victory looks like. The summer he had with his family at the cottage – that’s what victory looks like. The speech he gave at an “evening with” honoring his doctors and his wife – that’s what victory looks like. And, carving out the path of the Zen warrior for us all to follow – that’s what victory looks like.

When my father died a few years ago, I found myself deeply connected to those around me, more in love with my wife, more present with my children. And so I asked my Rabbi about these feelings. He said that a broken heart is the same as an open heart. Ken has broken all of our hearts wide open. I hope that I take advantage of this open heart to move closer to my more loving and fearless self. I owe that to Ken.

Rebecca's Eulogy to Ken

Friends and family:
It is an honor and privilege to pay tribute to a special person- my brother- Kenneth Marshall Koven.

No one says life is easy
But
I never knew life could be so difficult.

It was NOT for my brother.

He lived his life to the fullest and touched so many people during his time here with us. First and foremost, he was a family man: Devoted husband, father, son, brother, uncle and cousin. Indeed, he taught many of you here today how to boat, fish and ski. He was an athlete in all seasons.... However, running was the sport he liked to do alone. The only exception was running the New York City marathon in tandem with Adam.

Ken's devotion to family was the foundation of his actions - the anchor that defined and shaped his life.

As I glimpse at a page in Ken's life, I see Ken - the friend. He was a great friend to many!!!
He was loyal; whether you needed simple advice, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to lean on, companionable silence.... He was there for you.

As I look out at his many friends here today, I ask you to remember the happiness, pleasures and fun Ken shared with you - Great stories, good food, the best bottle of wine, the travel, the music, the laughter....Actually, his laughter was like a symphony.

While I continue to turn pages in Ken's life, I see a man defiant and unwilling to settle for less. He lived a principled life underpinned by a strong sense of right and wrong.

As many of you know, Ken invited me on a journey with him which allowed us to bare our souls to each other in a way that we never could have imagined when we were young. Ken allowed me to stand at his side as he fought on life's biggest stage. He offered me the opportunity to share his battle. I have never felt so privileged, so honored. Today, as I near the end of my remarks, I'd like to share his lesson with you.

Ken's lesson is compassion. Live life with an open heart, find love not hate, build bridges don't burn them, when you find yourself in a jam, try to laugh, when you find people infuriating, try to find love in your heart to understand why they are so unhappy. Let your heart soar when you hear and feel the warmth of love. Let your soul ache when you hear of tragedy.

My brothers lesson is compassion. My brothers journey was love and courage for all.... For family and friends. To honor Ken, his memory and his legacy, please continue his journey.

May all of us find peace.

Ken, you are always in my heart
I will love you forever....